Nor will I pay you to love me. I am tired of being romance scammed on Facebook. Ergo, as I can't do anything but report these creeps, here is a letter to my next scammers (and some advice for us sexy ladies out there).
Dear Scammers: (or otherwise titled, “Why I am NOT a Good Fit for Your Dastardly Schemes”)
I write this letter to inform you, and really save you some time. I know I’m in the later #’s of the 40s set. I also realize my weight fluctuates in my pictures, and you are hoping I’m on a chubby swing. I sadly know too well how I’m a sucker for sob stories, feel-good pieces, puppies, kitties and sexy/romantic pics of sexy/romantic people.
HOWEVER…
Did you notice that I am half-way through a master’s degree, meaning I might pick up on your crap non-English grammar within just a few sentences?
Did you notice I’m actually pretty hot, am into cool s*#t, and therefore have no trouble getting a date in the real world?
Did you notice I’ve been single for a l-o-n-g time, that there are more images of me with my dog and family than a significant other, and I don’t bitch about men? Which means I’m not looking for a ‘man’ btw.
Did you realize when you get grumpy at me for answering then telling you to stop bothering nice ladies that I’m not looking to further the conversation, but wishing I worked for CSIS and I could hunt your scammer a#@ down so that your bank account could be examined for the intent to press charges?
At least you could change it up a bit and have a female scammer hit on me from San Francisco… or something other than a soldier from California. One of you was a general…reeeeealyyy.
I’m not sure what I find more offensive: that you use romance , I love you’s, and your smile is beautiful’s, to get money out of us poorer, less lucratively set up women; or that you pose as general’s, good looking well known doctor photo’s that immediately come up on an image search; or that your grammar is so poor that you would probably do better hitting on me as an Italian, or maybe hot-Asian… yeah that would be a nice change… but I’d still catch you. My polyglot talents and keen nose for the rude will find you out.
As to the wonderful ladies out there who deserve real romance and not this ridiculous type of rude attention:
Never send money to someone you haven’t met in person. Send them encouragement, references to good books, but NO MONEY.
If they want a picture of you in a bikini, I guess they should go to the beach with you! Even then, they should be in the pic with you and want to post it with pride. Otherwise – no deal. May West said it best “When you’ve got the personality, you don’t need the nudity,” keep your dainty bits for your self and your lover.
If you truly want an online erotic experience, keep your anonymity and never use your real identity – play the part and keep you time for you.
Want some real romance? Take a course: learn to paint, play the drum, learn to run, take a cooking course. Afraid of going out? Then join a mental health group for your condition and you might meet that loving support person you both need. What does your dream person do? Once you answer that, you can go actively look for them… and expect to find them! The good ones aren’t going to troll you on Facebook – they are too busy living life at the farmers market and learning to ride their bike with their dog. How do I know how to find romance if I’m single? You are assuming that I am! I am a private person and don’t feel the need to plaster my romantic exploits on social media. Besides, I have my eye on the bigger prize of dignity and self respect and being able to sleep at night without torment. This is paying off with possibly meeting the most wonderful person in the world who may be perfect for me. No, I’m not telling you who it is, and no I am not posting it. Maybe 3 years from now…
Until then:
Harassers. I will collect your names and report you as often as you pick on me.
Ladies. You are worth meeting in person. Get out there and mingle in public. And don’t forget to tell the ones you think are dreamy... that they’re dreamy! At least you’ll get a smile and you might get a date.
Readers. If you know of a scammer or someone being scammed…REPORT IT. We can’t catch them, but we can frustrate them to make them go elsewhere.
P.S. - To those lucky people I know who actually met online and married and cohabitate, or whatever you successfully do together, you are wonderful, lucky, and I am so glad you found each other on the terrible world that is the internet!
Helpful Tips:
1. Report scams on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/help/community/question/?id=141396452737912
2. Report scams on dating sites: contact admin, the drop down choices in their email list often has the choice of "inappropriate behavior" or "fake profile"
3. Report to the RCMP: http://www.rcmp.gc.ca/en/gazette/romance-scams
4. Write your own romance novel. If you can't find the book you want to read - write it and I'll buy it and read it!
5. The great people to date are rarely online. They are at the art gallery, or race track or wherever YOU like to hang out!